February 12, 2007
Limited Edition Barbie: Massachusetts Edition
We really aren't sure where this came from. It seems like the stereotypes portrayed below have been applied to areas around St. Louis, Florida, Memphis, Detroit, among other US geographic locations. It came to us via email, un-attributed to the author (email us, we'll give you credit), and humorously rang true for some of the locations integrated into the list. Suggestions for the South Boston Barbie (both original model and Fort Point edition), Cantabrigian Barbie, and Allston/Brighton Barbie are welcomed..
"Newbury Street/Back Bay Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Prudential and Copley Malls. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a brownstone. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
"Framingham Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"Worcester Barbie" (also available for Springfield)
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a buck knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills).That is, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Springfield model is available with Smith and Wesson handgun and matching hunting knife for added home-town street cred.
"Marblehead Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included accessories include: Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
"North Adams Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and a tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Downtown/North End Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as a condo, no car is available for this Barbie – parking is a bitch.
"Western Mass Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out her house. Ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home – similar to Northern Connecticut Barbie.
"Amherst/Northampton Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"New Bedford Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
"South Shore Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.
"Provincetown Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
|
Whatever you do for Cambridge Barbie, she's gotta have a Harvest Co-Op tote as an accessory. And a WBUR mug!
The NYC version can be found at:
jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/474253/jokeid/110960
The NYC version of this can be found at:
jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/474253/jokeid/110960
Definite on the totebag for Cantabrigian Barbie. It's canvas with unoffensively political buttons (something about wind power most likely). She also has long gray hair and wears long printed skirts and twenty-year-old snowboots.
Buy now and get Barbie's Community Garden free!
Where's the Revere Barbie with the big hair!
hi
Western Mass Barbie isn't right. That's Hilltown Barbie's description. Hilltown Barbie is quite different from Berkshire Barbie and Happy Valley (or Amherst if you prefer) Barbie. Western Mass has multiple stereotypes just like Eastern Mass does.
This is ok. My complaint is the Marblehead one. No one in Marblehead drives a hummer, and BMWs went out when SUVs became popular. It should be Vovlo or Suburban, whichever is needed to tote around her 2.3 kids, as long as it can make it to her ski house in Maine. And what about the summer accessory, that comes with a sailboat and yacht club hat.
This is ok. My complaint is the Marblehead one. No one in Marblehead drives a hummer, and BMWs went out when SUVs became popular. It should be Vovlo or Suburban, whichever is needed to tote around her 2.3 kids, as long as it can make it to her ski house in Maine. And what about the 50 foot yawl.
This is ok. My complaint is the Marblehead one. No one in Marblehead drives a hummer, and BMWs went out when SUVs became popular. It should be Vovlo or Suburban, whichever is needed to tote around her 2.3 kids, as long as it can make it to her ski house in Maine. And what about the 50 foot yawl.
I agree with Thor -- I worked in Winthrop/Revere for years and was really looking forward to a Revere version with BIG hair.
Definately need a Revere/Everett/Chelsea Barbie w/ big hair and no eyebrows and fake nails about 2 inches long! Possibly with 4 kids at age 22, a lifetime supply of gum and a Target credit Card. Her Ken can have a souped-up car with a stereo you can hear from 3 miles away.
How about Alston/Brighton Barbie? Works at a used record/book store (or possibly Newbury Comics Warehouse)- or could be a bartender/waitress paying her way through BU or MassArt. She could have a guestlist accessory allowing her into any nightclub in the area and a pot/E dealer Ken.
Rockport Barbie: Graduated from RISD and comes with a colonial beach-house and a small store on Bear Skin Neck. Has a farmer's tan and perpetual ink/paint-stains. Activist Ken is usually in DC or overseas with College Student Stacy (not that Barbie knows it).
And we certainly can't forget Salem! Of course, that much be a bit too cliche... but what the heck, why not? Hi Priestess Barbie and Warlock Ken- come with ceremonial robes, samhain masks (white hart for Barbie and Black Stag for Ken), and chalice/athame, under which they are sky clad- they come with a change of clothes, all black of course, complete with silver jewelry and Doc Martin boots. Accessories include: altar and cirle, small pagan supply store with apartment on top, and a Saturn or Honda hybrid car with optional bumberstickers: "my other car is a broom", "So Mote It Be".
Damn, I think I could keep going... best not. LOL
Great page!
I was looking for the North Shore Barbie, with bobbed hari, Lily Pulitzer lobster pants and a Vera Bradley bag, driving a Volvo...where is she?